Spring 2011 in Washington DC. Thelma (55), Tanya (45) and Sarah (62) visit their federal representative in the Longworth building. Since they are from McClean County, IL, they are touring the capital while also supporting Tanya, who is there for an informal interview with their representative’s office.
Thelma
She said she’d meet us here.
Tanya
Eh, while we wait for Godot we can enjoy the sites indoors. Come on, I’ve never been to DC! Even this frickin’ office building is awesome! So corporate.
Thelma
You’re such a tourist.
Tanya
What’s wrong with that?
Thelma
Nothing, considering I’m right there with you. (smiles) Come on, let’s get some pictures in front of the state seal! Stand over there, no, in front of the insignia. To be in building that houses – sometimes literally – all these representatives! Gives me such a thrill.
(Tanya stand next to seal, Thelma takes picture.)
Tanya
I had no idea how any of this worked out logistically… I mean, the carpeting choice? When’s the last time they redecorated… I’m kidding. It’s overwhelming. I’ve got jitters.
Thelma
Yeah, yeah. That’s it. Lap it up before we get down to the dirty work.
Tanya
You’re such a mom. Dirty work? You think they’re going to offer us some sort of program to head first day on the job? I mean, this is more of a temporary spot, since they needed a hand…
Thelma
And you needed a job. I mean, with the amount of time you put in working for Falston, he should be offering you a spot at the White House. But, that’s another department, I guess.
Tanya
Eh, job. I’m just here to schmooze! And there’s Sarah! What’s she wearing? Hey Sarah!
(Sarah enters, waves to Thelma and Tanya. Wears black t-shirt, pink feather boa and pink ball cap.)
Sarah
Well, if it ain’t my fellow midwesternites.
Thelma
(Looks Sarah over) What’s with this? You going loony on us?
Sarah
I came here with some Code Pinkers. I was meeting them just before this.
Tanya
Code Pink? What’s that?
Thelma
Oh, lordy.
Sarah
Oh stop, Thelma, I know you don’t like them. That’s why I left them at the door.
Thelma
Tanya, they’re a bunch of crazy war protestors who don’t know when to quit.
Sarah
Are the wars over?
Tanya
No.
Sarah
Then why quit? (smiles, twirls boa)
Thelma
(sighs) It’s just a bunch of play. Do they really get anything done with all their publicity stunts? I mean, outside the beltway, their antics aren’t listened to. People already know Obama needs to step up withdrawal, there’s no need to try and make the message frilli-fied.
Sarah
And what makes our hard-working representatives in government any different from trying to get the public’s attention? Mainstream media, hell even publications like Politico only talks about Congress members like they’re movie or rock stars.
Tanya
Some of them talk like they could be on Jersey Shore. Or Snooki being mentioned by Obama? Puh-leaze.
Sarah
(flaps arms) My point exactly. Interchangeable. But what do they do? Where’s the change we can believe in?
Thelma
It sounds like you’ve gone Independent Party on us. Are you still with the Dems or not?
Sarah
You knew I was always on the outskirts. Illinois doesn’t have a third party. Hell, I’d even say it doesn’t have a second party sometimes.
Tanya
Whoa! Hold on! We are not going to fight in these halls! I want to stay here, not get kicked out!
Sarah
But that’s what this place is all about, conflict. However, I apologize, Thelma. I guess I just get a little ramped up when I get out here. (excited) Makes me feel like I could be burning bras outside this building again.
Tanya
When were you here before?
Sarah
With a group of other feminists when they marched on DC in 1978 for the ERA.
Thelma
(rolls eyes) Oh good grief. Here we go again.
Sarah
(blinks) What?
Thelma
This isn’t 1978. I’m not knocking on your experience, but we’re not here to protest. We’re here to get Tanya situated. New day. That’s all, no disrespect. The way to change things are from the inside.
Tanya
Now I feel a bit out of sorts.
Thelma
I’m sorry, Tanya, really. I’ll be good. If she is. (thumbs at Sarah)
Tanya
No, it’s more… I just feel like there’s so much history here that I don’t understand or know about. Coming here is almost overwhelming. I mean, I actually want to hear your stories, Sarah. But… I don’t want to dredge up old arguments.
Sarah
Well, it’s not really old arguments, it’s just on-going arguments. They never really go away. They just shift a little.
Thelma
(hands on hips) What do you mean they just shift?
Sarah
I barely have to nudge you in the wrong direction and you’re quicker to go off than a roman candle on the 4th of July at the Capitol building.
Thelma
Which I take it you’ve seen firsthand. (folds arms)
Sarah
Well, yeah.
Tanya
Was that the same year you came with the feminists?
Sarah
Yeah.
Thelma
But this isn’t the reason we’re here!
Sarah
You mean why you’re here. Why are you here?
Thelma
(appalled) You know damn well why I’m here! (yells) For Tanya!
Sarah
(puts hands up) I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that. I mean, what do you want to do for Tanya? And why didn’t you want to come to get yourself another spot? I mean, I hate to say this Tanya, but she did more than the two of us combined to work with Falston, and Feldstein.
Tanya
No, no, you’re completely right. The amount of traveling she did between our office, Chicago and Springfield was fantastic. It took her supermom energy and put it to use in the public forum.
Thelma
(like a humbled but wet cat) I didn’t do that much. I… (waves at them) I’m not here for me. I didn’t want the spot.
Sarah
Why?
Thelma
I’m too old to be gallivanting across DC like a spring chicken.
Tanya
I don’t believe you – we just said what you did for the entire last campaign. And you like DC as much as I do. Is it your family?
Sarah
No… It can’t be. They’re scattered across the country like the dice from a Yahtzee game in a two year old’s hands.
(Thelma squints at Sarah)
What? Oh yeah. M’grandkids, God love ‘em. I’ve practically lost all my dice.
Thelma
Not marbles? Anyway. It’s… I just don’t feel like I matter as much here. I feel like I have more control back in Illinois than I do here. But it’s my nature. I don’t feel the same for you Tanya, you have more optimism about this kind of stuff than I do.
Sarah
She’s the reformed feminist of the bunch. (smiles)
Thelma
What’s that supposed to mean?
Sarah
It means just that – you aren’t sticking up for yourself.
Thelma
What? I do plenty to speak out against injustice all around us. I don’t just sit idly by.
Sarah
I’m not talking about idling. We just proved you don’t idle. But you don’t want to be a spectacle. Now, I’m not raining on your wish to be respectable. But when you don’t stand up for yourself, not just as a woman, but as a human being…
Tanya
Enough! Let Thelma decide what she wants to do! She doesn’t have to-
Sarah
But she’s being a bad example.
Tanya
How can you say that?
Sarah
To you, mostly. She’s been doing it for quite some time, and she’s not alone. Which only makes it more important that she stop this insanity.
Thelma
Insanity? Huh. The only one who sounds insane is the woman standing here at the moment in a pink feather boa.
Sarah
Nah-ah. You, dear lady, are a prig. You don’t come out of your safety shell. With your respectable clothes and your gradeschool inside voice, you just don’t shout to the world that things are shit and you don’t like it!
Thelma
The whole “I’m so mad I can’t take it anymore!” –
Tanya
(cuts in) Was that the Libertarians or the Tea Partiers that bastardized that?
Sarah
(to Tanya) Shh. Let her speak. I’ve been trying to find a way to make her address this for years.
Thelma
(grumbles, consernated) You…. Well, of course I want more! I want to get some of the programs we were interested in go through! I want the process to work better! I don’t want to have to deal with the crap both sides of the aisle make for everyone else to clean up! Why do you think I made all those trips in Illinois? Because I was happy to do them? I want to take that sword from lady liberty out there, and give each goddamn Congressman a swat on the behind they won’t soon forget!
Tanya
Ah, there are Congress women too.
Thelma
(waves away) Doesn’t matter. You get what I’m saying.
Sarah
Then perhaps you should come here.
Thelma
What?
Tanya
But… There is still a sense of respect for the elected. Right?
Sarah
Honey, they work for us. We’re their boss, not the other way around.
Tanya
(to Sarah) Well, technically, until you do work for them.
Sarah
Oh yeah.
Tanya
I think I get Sarah’s point though. (turns to Thelma) Thelma, you’re an ass.
Thelma
Now don’t you go complimenting me too.
Tanya
Hold on - it is a compliment. You, dear lady, are a Democrat. And you’re more fiesty than I am most of the time. But you’re so damn restrained when it comes to saying your views! Live a little! (smacks Thelma on the back)
Thelma
(coughs) Gee. I… Really don’t know what to say. I just, I don’t know. I guess I am a bit more frustrated in general than I let on, but that’s why I work so da-gun hard at what I do.
Sarah
Which is fine and dandy. But, well… we haven’t seen you get this vocal about your views since that Tea Party Republican took the 11th congressional district.
Thelma
Eesh. That reminds me, I’m still sorry I put a dent in your car after I heard that, Tanya. I didn’t think I could lift the branch much less make that kind of impact on your hood like that. I was a bit surprised.
Tanya
(waves it away) It was easily enough repaired. My insurance company accepted that “it was an act of God.”
Thelma
(disgusted) Oh good grief. Sarah’s been too much of an influence on you, that’s not even a good pun, ya heretic.
Sarah
Now, instead of worrying about these things, take them a little lighter.
Thelma
(smirks) Like taking a lighter to a bra?
Sarah
If the cup fits.
Thelma
(angry) So are we going in for Tanya, or are we going to start dickering over who’s breasts sag better? Come on. (takes Tanya’s arm)
Tanya
(fidgets) Actually, would you mind if I did this alone?
Sarah
You sure?
Thelma
(coughs and looks Sarah over) I don’t see why not.
Sarah
Aw, come on, Thelma, lighten up. And you know this is nothing compared to what I could have worn over here. The shirt only even says Code Pink on it. I was wearing my Arrest Bush shirt before. And, I could have left it on while hunting out the 11th district guy for a good row. Actually, why don’t you join me?
Tanya
Perfect. I’ll just be a moment. If it gets hairy, don’t get me. (looks inside door) I still want to work here. I’ve got the nod from the receptionist, so I’ll be quick.
(Tanya exits)
Thelma
She’s a brave soul.
Sarah
Yeah? And what about you? You coward.
Thelma
Now don’t keep this up while she’s not here. I don’t want to have to explain to my husband why I need money for bail in DC.
Sarah
Man those were the best memories. Dammit woman, I’m trying to get you to listen to me.
Thelma
And you want me to speak up? To be vocal? What?
Sarah
I want you to be honest. You gave Tanya that spot.
Thelma
What?
Sarah
That’s right, I heard you get the call, and then give the recommendation. You turned them down cold. You’re an idiot! You deserve it more!
Thelma
Now hold on a minute! You don’t know the whole story!
Sarah
No, I know damn well why you did it, you selfless primadonna. You did it because she needed the job. (pauses) I know you think I’m thoughtless-
Thelma
More careless, really-
Sarah
(waves away) Whatever! But I have family too, you dope. And I know the importance of friends. Who do you think I linked arms with when I was here in 1978? Just complete strangers? No! I did it with people I cared about, cared for. Careless. Yeah, I’m a protestor. And you’re a fucking prig. But you’re damn good at what you do, which is why I depend so frickin’ much on you.
Thelma
(quietly) …Do you think she’d like it here? I mean, you seem to get a lot, but as a protestor. Tanya would work for the government. I’ve been telling her that’s the way to do things. But you see how decrepit the system is on both the state and federal level. This isn’t something one person can overhaul, even with Tanya’s own hidden away piss and venom.
Sarah
I completely agree.
Thelma
(stunned) What? Whoa. That’s new.
Sarah
No… No. It’s not that. I don’t think she can do it alone.
Thelma
Well, duh.
Sarah
No, actually, I mean you should join her.
Thelma
What? Are you nuts?
Sarah
Well, sure, but that’s beside the point. Just lookit. You came out here, didn’t you? And you do more than any of us combined. I’m sure that the office would be willing to find a spot for you too. Don’t just give it up for the sake of Tanya’s job. If you’re going to be respectable, use it, damnit!
Thelma
But… But… this is just a visit!
Sarah
It’s a show of support, you said so yourself. It’s what you do really well. Yeah, keep blushing, it’s true. (smiles)
Thelma
(glares) This isn’t blushing, it’s a hotflash. (looks away) You’re nuts, you know that?
(Tanya enters)
Sarah
(gives Thelma sideways glance) Sure. That’s all it is.
Thelma
So? How did it go? You get the job?
Tanya
Yeah. And they heard you talking out here, and said they wondered why you hadn’t also put in your application since they called you first, Thelma. They were impressed with your record, and said they’d be happy to have you if you were still interested.
Sarah
(whacks Thelma on the back) See! I told ya! You need to come to DC.
Thelma
(rubs spot where hit) Fucking asshole, don’t do that. It’s the second time I’ve been assaulted by one of you dingbats in the last hour. If you don’t think of me, think of your own arthritic hippy hand.
Sarah
(laughs) Yeah, you’d fit in perfectly here.
Thelma
(barks) What the hell is that supposed to mean!
Tanya
It means, stop bitching and come in the office. If you won’t come for yourself, or your country, come for me. Sarah’s right. I couldn’t do this without you. And you came here to support me, right?
Sarah
Uh-oh. She’s pulled the martyr string.
Thelma
Shut your yap, you moron. (sighs) They could use me? Really?
Tanya
Just go in there and talk to them, it wouldn’t hurt. I, however, need a moment with Sarah.
Thelma
(Hesitates, just a moment) Alright. But if a fight breaks out, I want pictures.
(Thelma exits)
Sarah
Were we too loud or something? I promise, I’ll make her squeal in the lobby next time. (smiles)
Tanya
(blinks) You two should have been a couple the way you act. (smiles) At least you’ll laugh about it, Thelma’s gag reflex would have started if she heard that. However. What I want to know is more about the ERA thing. And what you did in DC. And more about this place in general. It seems like a generally good, but topsy-turvey, place. And I want an insider’s history of what I will be getting into…
