Flash Fiction

Drunk, she files her taxes in April while whistling a song from St. Pattrick’s day by a musician she can’t get out of her mind.

Hiring Diplomacy

I treat you nicely
while you treat me like
a piece of paper.
I wait for your response and answer with a smile
while you figure out what to say or tell me the way it is
about delegating pedantic everyday routines
that must be followed
to a T.

I nod my head. I know my place.

I want to lunge at you and growl, “Give me a job!”
I am frustrated that I have to
ask for an everyday routine
that asks for no more head work
than the formatting of my thesis.

But my anxiety outweighs my pride,
so I know my place.

You make me wait
to hear from you
for two weeks.
My thesis committee made me wait
four.
You make me pay attention to asking repetitive
repetitive questions
In order to have the proper
paperwork filled out.
I had to explain a different discipline to my committee in multiple rewrites.



Stepping back,
my own ferocity
surprises and saddens.
I never knew
I had this in me.

But then, I also have the will to ask,

Do you want fries with that?

Because at this time,
I know my place.

Query for readers:

I originally set up this blog to be a resource for those who wished to dabble in reading an Elrick piece. However, I have since become interested in moving towards an actual website, or at least posting more often than when I have a piece in progress. If there are any comments about this, let me know on here or Facebook.

No Patience for Poetry

(republished from Euphemism, Illinois State University's creative online journal)

The only reason I like Descartes
Is because he has a short catch-phrase.
“I think, therefore I am.”
Boom.
Philosophy,
in a nutshell.
Poetry requires more than thinking.
Like, feeling.
Then you have to interpret feeling.
Then finding out how complicated those feelings are
And were they come from
Inside yourself, outside yourself, located in time,
the way it connects, disconnects, builds and destroys ideas and concepts…
All in the expanse of the words of the poem, which may even be shorter than
“I think, therefore I am.”
Supposedly the way Descartes’ great epiphany is all greatness of Man’s ideas,
confined
To a point.
A finite point which encompasses everything, and everything can be built on it.
But it requires no feeling and reduced the complexity of life and analysis of it
To a point.
Yet a poem rips that concept a new one.

Farther back in philosophy, there’s Plato.
Plato hated poets.
Yet his language is just as complex and beautiful, it has meaning that
Betrays his feelings, while he tries
to make his Socrates pull out that kind of
Finity.
To suggest these philosopher’s were devoid of feeling or that their works
Could be reduced to that kind of a point is
Point-
less.

Yet at the same time, that is what they attempt to convince us of in Absolutism.
Which unfortunately creates the system of false duality,
the “something is” or “it isn’t” dilemma,
the troubled idea of, you’re with us or against us.
There is concentrated hatred in that finity.
Yet in that order of finity
There is a wish to make things
Simplier.
Less complex.
Bring life to a point.
Or find the point in life.
Poetry unleashes the magnitude of that finity
A scary, lovely, saddening, maddening, fanatic-inducing, desire-producing
Point.
Which is secretly devoured by the absolutist philosophers,
“romantics” at heart.
Or those with a heart to begin with,
which they often wish to forget is there
by thinking.
An escapist point, this contained yet created bundle of energy,
which through thinking about it we become outsiders from it, detached
As philosophers, observers that Other ourselves outside the chaos contained.

So then there is my lack of patience for the expansion of that finity.
While I am simultaneously and constantly allured
by that which does not make sense
in that chaos-filled
point,
That driving curiosity which makes me analyze the passions of this world in so many ways that absolutism limits
Far too greatly by suggesting there is only
a line of logic
and a way to refute it,
but I should not necessarily see the connections in their full glory of multi-dimensions.
This is because of the already explained
point.
Instead, memorize the point,
hell, you can even analyze the point, but know
that point is all there is, there are no
lay-
ers
which cannot be explained away
by thinking.

My lack of patience is because of my having been trained
to think, therefore I am pointed.
However, when I try to read poetry or then attempt to feel, according to absolutists,
these deniers of the heart,
I am undeniably
missing the point.

One Occident, Two Orients: or How the Middle East was One

(Awful title, I know. But it was a pet project for a class a few years ago. Enjoy it's age. :)

Copyright © Kathy Elrick 2005


Rabin (70) – Medium build, white hair, slightly haggard but tough looking, official. Slightly Russian accent, eastern European influence of speech on broken English. Israeli Prime Minister.

Arafat (63) – Shorter frame, scraggly beard, that crazy bed-sheet hat and tunic type dress. Mixture of Arabian and French sounding accent (Egyptian) for broken English short, staccato. Leader of Palestinian Liberation Organization.

Bush (46)- Possibly tallest one of the bunch. Hesitant in speech, slight southern twang, seems like he tries his words out and sees how they fit. Dressed in business attire. Occupation – general managing partner of Texas Rangers and aspiring politico.

Setting: Classroom in Northern Jordan, or neutral country just outside of Israel. Late 1992.

Special Note:
Yitzhak Rabin has been a part of Israel’s military history since this nation of conflict was created by the United Nations in the mid 1940’s. Yasser Arafat like-wise has been a part of the Palestinian effort to find peace between the two cohabitants of this small country. Rabin was assassinated in 1995, almost 3 years after this ficticous scene takes place, but not before he and Yasser Arafat shook hands over the Oslo accords in 1993, which both men received the Nobel Peace price for their efforts at trying to establish a lasting cease-fire between the two peoples. At the time this play takes place, the first Intifada was drawing to a close, the Palestinian’s non-violent rebellion against unstable Israeli troops who would aggressively try to break the will of the Palestinians. Rabin was a respected leader of the Israeli people who tried negotiations while generals like Arial Sharon and Rabin’s party opponent Perez constantly made problems for Rabin and Palestinians.





















(Lights up on classroom setting. Yasser Arafat is sitting at a desk with his chin on his fist looking bored. Rabin opens door/enters room.)

Rabin
Yasser Arafat? (Outrage.) What right you have to be here?!

Arafat
A diplomat’s. But with a greeting like that, I’d be happy to be a spectator.

Rabin
But why are you here? In dis building?

Arafat
I have meeting. Why are you here?

Rabin
At 2 o’clock, I have meeting. Hm. (Deflating, confused.) I don’t understand how Minister Arens would have missed an oversight like dis.

Arafat
Perhaps Peres was an influence. (Friendly laugh.) Personally, I always thought he liked your wife more than allegations of overseas bank scandal let on.

Rabin
(Somewhat coldly.) I will not humor such a subject. If I must wait here, backstabbing needs to be kept to minimum.

Arafat
(Quieting down.) It wasn’t meant out of meanness, I was only kidding. If you have to wait, sit, wait.

Rabin
Dis sis a horrible way to meet. (Distractedly sits.) I was hoping eef the day came we met face to face, there would be more of a celebratory undertone at least.

Arafat
I have some candy in my pocket. It’s no feast, but perhaps it could be peace offering.

Rabin
(Laughs gently.) Perhaps. What kind ez eet?

(Bush enters.)

Bush
Wha-? Well, hello. I wasn’t expecting to find anybody in this room.
Arafat
Mr. Bush? This is a surprise. What brings you to this side of the world?

Rabin
I was wondering if you would come, or not.

Arafat
He’s the person you’re meeting with?

Rabin
No, but my aides have told me recently about the American elections. And what President Bush’s ambassadors have been doing lately. Even though he lost re-election.

Arafat
(Points to Bush in disbelief.)
He’s an ambassador!?

Bush
No, not technically. But I am here on business of that kind. Goodwill, peace, hope for a better tomorrow. Even though it woulda probably been easier to convey these feelings having won the election.

Arafat
You mean, your father winning the election.

Bush
(sideways glance) Of course.

Rabin
But why are you here, in dis region? I hear you were supposed be meeting with your father’s friend, the prince of Saud.

Bush
I will get to that before I go back to America. But first I wanted to have a talk, some time with the leaders of Lebanon and Jordan. See how they are and whatnot.

Rabin
Why Lebanon?

Arafat
It is perplexing as to why you would be interested in them Mr. Bush, but as for you Prime Minister Rabin, is that your 2 o’clock appointment?

Rabin
Dat is none of your concern.

Arafat
Oh you bet your favorite Yarmulke it is. I half bin trying to see anybody from the Lebanese government for last two months! (Pounds fist.) Do you know how hard it is for my staff to even get bread to eat because of such wishy-washy politics?

Rabin
Eet eez far better for your people than concentration camps and hundreds of years persecution!

Arafat
Hundreds of years, try thousands, foreigner!

(Rabin strangles Arafat.)

Bush
(Appalled.) Gentlemen!

(Arafat starts to strangle Rabin.)

Bush
You two! Stop it, stop it right now, this instant!
(Pulls them apart successfully, both Arafat and Rabin panting and rubbing throats.)
I’m amazed at such behavior from foreign heads of state.

Arafat
The way the press has told our relationship, I am surprised we held off this long.

Rabin
But press ees not always right. As for how they blew up what Perez said about my wife.

Bush
You mean, that... that bank scandal wasn’t true?

Rabin
(Quickly.) I never said dat. I meant how they took Perez’s side furst and sensationalized eet.

Bush
It’s the Press. What do you expect? They aren’t going to understand politicians. They’ll never put us, people fighting for the very people such a medium as the press sends a message to, into a very good light. I have scales of stories about run-ins I’d rather forget.

Arafat
Sometimes you can use those to your advantage... But most often, not.



Rabin
(Tiredly.) But such character attacks... They should be stopped. They get in way of progress between governments. Thankfully I was able to still keep my people after the attack from Perez, but... Eet ees not right.

Bush
But don’tcha see? It’s not completely them, it’s the groups controlling them. The people you see on the screen is just puppets. They’re just obstacles in the course we set for ourselves as people trying to make a difference.

Arafat
Such an American trait. It is so optimistic of you! You think you can change the world, when the world changes faster than you can imagine. No matter who you are, the changes you make can be swallowed up like that! (Snaps.)

Rabin
Here we face dat reality. It makes one grow older faster, but wiser sooner. There is death at our doorstep and no where to turn that would not try to take advantage of you first.

Bush
So this is the attitude you come to conferences with. It’s no wonder you never find resolution, you aren’t even trying to look for it! Why did you become politicians in the first place if you felt this way? That nothing you did would count?

Rabin
Better in the government dan be squashed by it.

Arafat
(Chuckles.) Good one.

Bush
Wrong! That’s the lamest excuse for using Darwinism I’ve heard yet!
(Bush pauses, others confused, mumbling.)
Don’t you see the possibilities a government holds for helping the people you serve?

Arafat
But our government doesn’t work the same on the inside.

Bush
That I do understand. But if you two are even going to say you’re into the Socialism government you are a part of, at least acknowledge its primary principals of proletary-at. If you don’t have people, you have nothing to govern! So if death knocks at your door, take the power that’s been bestowed upon you and try and do something with it! But if you just let things pass you by, you might as well be trampled under foot like the people you aren’t helping. These days you shouldn’t stand if you don’t know where it is you are!

Arafat
(Pauses, stunned.) I... have no good quick comeback for that one.

Rabin
How about, why didn’t the chicken cross de road?

Arafat
Why?

Rabin
Because he was chicken.

(Bush and Arafat snicker.)

Arafat
(Quietly.) Do you ever watch Tom and Jerry?

Bush
(Confused.) Well, not recently, but I have.

Rabin
(Disgustedly confused.) Are you talking about de Cartoon?

Arafat
But of course.

Rabin
Why do you bring dem up?

Arafat
Because I like their humor.

Bush
Ok....

Arafat
I was trying to establish some common ground in the midst of lightheartedness. If anyone else liked Tom and Jerry, then we could all have a good laugh.

Rabin
(Arrogantly.) But what if I didn’t know who dey were? What then? I would be left out of the cordiality. That wouldn’t bring about any comfortable peace talks, now would it?




Arafat
I was just trying to share something. (Aside.) Not that anybody likes it when I bring up Tom and Jerry. But why not? They’re hilarious. Cat and mouse, always chasing each other. Friendly one moment, killing each other the next, what’s not to like? It’s a universal constant...

Bush
How’s that?

Arafat
Is nothing.

Rabin
I agree with Mr. Bush, dis ees a day to try to renew the fundamental bond between peoples, and look back only to help the future.

Arafat
(Thought strikes him and he slowly smiles.)
For some reason I recall feeling this way before I met my wife about a woman I once dated who moved around the political circles. She was a beautiful woman, Jewish background.

Rabin
(Surprised.) You would date an Israeli?

Arafat
I would, but she said she would not marry me. It was not because I was Palestinian. That was her father’s excuse. She said she couldn’t imagine growing old with me, I... She didn’t care for my looks.

Bush
Ouch.

Rabin
By any chance do you remember her name?

Arafat
Camile Goldenstein. Why do you ask?

Rabin
(Smirks.) I had a hunch. I dated the same woman.

Arafat & Bush
No.




Rabin
Yes. I think most everybody near the Mediterranean did. Eet turned out, she would not marry me, or anybody else in Israel either. She ended up marrying an Eastern Orthodox dentist. She was considered a disgrace to her parents, even though she did make it tru a concentration camp.

Bush
Now that’s beyond tough love.

Arafat
(Wincing, nods.) I agree.

Rabin
A woman like that reminds me of the old days... When I knew what I wanted. Perhaps you have something with your philosophy dere, Mr. Bush. I tink maybe age can cloud judgment a little. You remember 1948 Yasser?

Arafat
But of course. It was a great time to feel a part of what we truly believed in. To feel important among others, a founding point of leadership. That was one of the most exciting times of my early career.

Rabin
It was a war, of course it was exciting. All the noise, the constant stream of people around you... But it was different from now. People, individuals were more important. Life was a treasure.
But war should not really be glorified... (Reluctantly sighs.) It splits people apart as much as it brings them together.

Arafat
It’s true. And young people are also foolish and do stupid things because they think they will live through even the most frightening things.

Rabin
I agree with you dere. (Laughing.) Hoo boy... I remember going over to enemy camp and stealing towels and clothing from the showers.

Bush
(Cuts in.) That’s nothing. After a Yale-Princeton game, in the heat of the moment I helped pull down a goal post. You know how much one of those things cost to replace? It was a nightmare!

Arafat
(Completely serious.) You want a nightmare, I’ll tell you a nightmare. Israeli troops coming after you and your family in the middle of the night. Unless you are Jewish, there is no justice, only judgment. That’s what 1948 proved.

(Rabin starts choking Arafat again. Bush still reminiscing about college.)
Bush
I know that I didn’t quite have the same experience as either one of you, but being young can be...

(Arafat makes gagging noises, Bush notices)

Jumpin’ Jehosaphat’s! What the?!

Rabin
(Gasping.) You provoke more than you are worth!

Arafat
(Strained.) Yet you still choke me as I were a threat!

(Bush pulls the two apart again. Rabin throws punch at Bush, misses. Bush bum rushes him to chair. Arafat tries to grab for Rabin, Bush punches Arafat. Arafat falls back into a desk/chair.)

Arafat
So this is what you call American foreign policy?

Bush
It’s what’s called taking care of childish behavior.

Rabin
(Resigned.) He ees right. Dis sis what it all comes down to. Why do you tink talks get postponed for so long and bombing campaigns start?

Arafat
Like the one in September against innocent Palestinians-

Rabin
(Cuts Arafat off.)
Tempers flare up more easily dan they should. But de pressure is high. So many people are counting on us.

Bush
This is why you don’t crack under pressure. But if one does, you ask for help. Not tear the other apart. You made it this far, but if it was by negotiating this way, with feet in mouth, than I think your system of government needs a bigger overhaul than we originally thought.





Arafat
But your government is barely any better than what you have seen us do in here today. I look at images of McCarthism and shudder. I look at the Cold War and wonder about civilized systems of government. I look at how President Carter could barely try to talk with foreign leaders, and even though President Nixon was brilliant with foreign policy, at home he made a fool out of himself, no worse than what you have just seen. We may have our problems, we may do things that make women and small children gape in disbelief. But for a country that has prided itself in high morals, you just deny what is always there. America, you are no different than us.

Rabin
Welcome to politics.

(Bush uncomfortable and defensive, slightly fidgety.)

Rabin
(Relaxing.) So. What do you want to do with your title as the son of an American President? Do you want to go farther?

Arafat
Did you not try for a seat in Congress a while ago?

Bush
(Guardedly.) Yes...

Arafat
I only ask because of your enthusiasm. You have an amazing energy for which many possibilities could still be open to you.

Rabin
It takes a strong person to rise up out of conflict and break tru de noise of naysayers. Yet it also takes a wise man to listen when he would rather not. We say what we have said out of de prophecy of yesterday, but also so that for dose who wish to make it, will try harder.

Arafat
So. (To Bush.) Do you wish to stay in the game?

Bush
(Blinks.) I uh... I... I do believe in a better tomorrow, and I have thought of continuing to try for that spot as Governor of Texas.

Rabin
Wonderful!



Bush
Yeah... (Stronger.) Yeah. I guess I feel a little out of my league so far. I mean, I wanted to be in Congress, badly enough to go through loosing an election over it. I really enjoyed helping my dad back in ’88.

Arafat
Do you think you may ever try for a higher position?

Bush
Like?

Rabin
President?

Bush
(Smiles.) Who knows? The times we have now is changing...

Arafat
(Looks at watch.)
Yitzhak, your meeting. It was for 2 o’clock, correct?

Rabin
Oh. Right. I must go.

(Rabin and Arafat stand.)

Rabin
Good luck to you Mr. Bush, in life, and politics.
(Rabin starts to exit, Arafat coughs expectantly. Rabin turns enough to face Arafat.)
To you Arafat I say, maybe again sometime we shall try to make amends.

Arafat
I would be most grateful. You seem a good man, with a good... grip. (Strokes neck.)

Rabin
At least you know I am not wishy-washy. (Smiles, exit.)

Specters and the Ambiguous Non-Relationship String

We see
what we want to
in our momentary mates.
Be it a good fuck, someone to talk to, someone to share fantasies with,
or merely the time.

We get so much meaning out of that, it hurts
to be left on a thin spider’s string,
tight-roping across the void of the unspoken.

FWB, they say too late.
Time has passed, and ambiguity couples up,
creating a new ménage a trios, playing with the mind
of the uncertain participant, the one who is left out of the…
Fucked. Not past tense.

“Friends” become suspicious and conniving.
If I don’t tell him this, perhaps he will
spend more time with me, tell me things, open up, be himself.
Why is he not himself before that?
What is holding him back-
Rephrase that. What is holding me back?

The rebound.
For both.
It’s his, but it becomes my burden.
Don’t tamper with damaged goods.

What good is that?

I restrain, refrain, refine what is said,
allow what isn’t said
To fester, pester, mutilate my sense of trust. In me.

I have yet to love.

But I love me.
Yet, I do not know
how to love myself and
another, that is a threesome that is difficult to orchestrate.
My self becomes angry
that I have neglected her,
that I forget what we had been angry about
long before the ambiguous string was cut
and we fall not into the unspoken void,
But into a flashing world of anger,
the mine field.

Never trust a ghost

the field screams. Don’t allow me to be forsaken
for the sake of a specter.
Ambiguity is more than two-faced, and takes away my
saving face. A fall from grace,
without place.
Another void –
a spiral of hell:
my own.

No love to be found.

I scream –

Ambiguity be damned!

DC Biddies

Spring 2011 in Washington DC. Thelma (55), Tanya (45) and Sarah (62) visit their federal representative in the Longworth building. Since they are from McClean County, IL, they are touring the capital while also supporting Tanya, who is there for an informal interview with their representative’s office.

Thelma
She said she’d meet us here.

Tanya
Eh, while we wait for Godot we can enjoy the sites indoors. Come on, I’ve never been to DC! Even this frickin’ office building is awesome! So corporate.

Thelma
You’re such a tourist.

Tanya
What’s wrong with that?

Thelma
Nothing, considering I’m right there with you. (smiles) Come on, let’s get some pictures in front of the state seal! Stand over there, no, in front of the insignia. To be in building that houses – sometimes literally – all these representatives! Gives me such a thrill.

(Tanya stand next to seal, Thelma takes picture.)

Tanya
I had no idea how any of this worked out logistically… I mean, the carpeting choice? When’s the last time they redecorated… I’m kidding. It’s overwhelming. I’ve got jitters.

Thelma
Yeah, yeah. That’s it. Lap it up before we get down to the dirty work.

Tanya
You’re such a mom. Dirty work? You think they’re going to offer us some sort of program to head first day on the job? I mean, this is more of a temporary spot, since they needed a hand…

Thelma
And you needed a job. I mean, with the amount of time you put in working for Falston, he should be offering you a spot at the White House. But, that’s another department, I guess.

Tanya
Eh, job. I’m just here to schmooze! And there’s Sarah! What’s she wearing? Hey Sarah!

(Sarah enters, waves to Thelma and Tanya. Wears black t-shirt, pink feather boa and pink ball cap.)

Sarah
Well, if it ain’t my fellow midwesternites.

Thelma
(Looks Sarah over) What’s with this? You going loony on us?

Sarah
I came here with some Code Pinkers. I was meeting them just before this.

Tanya
Code Pink? What’s that?

Thelma
Oh, lordy.

Sarah
Oh stop, Thelma, I know you don’t like them. That’s why I left them at the door.

Thelma
Tanya, they’re a bunch of crazy war protestors who don’t know when to quit.

Sarah
Are the wars over?

Tanya
No.

Sarah
Then why quit? (smiles, twirls boa)

Thelma
(sighs) It’s just a bunch of play. Do they really get anything done with all their publicity stunts? I mean, outside the beltway, their antics aren’t listened to. People already know Obama needs to step up withdrawal, there’s no need to try and make the message frilli-fied.

Sarah
And what makes our hard-working representatives in government any different from trying to get the public’s attention? Mainstream media, hell even publications like Politico only talks about Congress members like they’re movie or rock stars.

Tanya
Some of them talk like they could be on Jersey Shore. Or Snooki being mentioned by Obama? Puh-leaze.

Sarah
(flaps arms) My point exactly. Interchangeable. But what do they do? Where’s the change we can believe in?

Thelma
It sounds like you’ve gone Independent Party on us. Are you still with the Dems or not?

Sarah
You knew I was always on the outskirts. Illinois doesn’t have a third party. Hell, I’d even say it doesn’t have a second party sometimes.

Tanya
Whoa! Hold on! We are not going to fight in these halls! I want to stay here, not get kicked out!

Sarah
But that’s what this place is all about, conflict. However, I apologize, Thelma. I guess I just get a little ramped up when I get out here. (excited) Makes me feel like I could be burning bras outside this building again.

Tanya
When were you here before?

Sarah
With a group of other feminists when they marched on DC in 1978 for the ERA.

Thelma
(rolls eyes) Oh good grief. Here we go again.

Sarah
(blinks) What?

Thelma
This isn’t 1978. I’m not knocking on your experience, but we’re not here to protest. We’re here to get Tanya situated. New day. That’s all, no disrespect. The way to change things are from the inside.

Tanya
Now I feel a bit out of sorts.

Thelma
I’m sorry, Tanya, really. I’ll be good. If she is. (thumbs at Sarah)
Tanya
No, it’s more… I just feel like there’s so much history here that I don’t understand or know about. Coming here is almost overwhelming. I mean, I actually want to hear your stories, Sarah. But… I don’t want to dredge up old arguments.

Sarah
Well, it’s not really old arguments, it’s just on-going arguments. They never really go away. They just shift a little.

Thelma
(hands on hips) What do you mean they just shift?

Sarah
I barely have to nudge you in the wrong direction and you’re quicker to go off than a roman candle on the 4th of July at the Capitol building.

Thelma
Which I take it you’ve seen firsthand. (folds arms)

Sarah
Well, yeah.

Tanya
Was that the same year you came with the feminists?

Sarah
Yeah.

Thelma
But this isn’t the reason we’re here!

Sarah
You mean why you’re here. Why are you here?

Thelma
(appalled) You know damn well why I’m here! (yells) For Tanya!

Sarah
(puts hands up) I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that. I mean, what do you want to do for Tanya? And why didn’t you want to come to get yourself another spot? I mean, I hate to say this Tanya, but she did more than the two of us combined to work with Falston, and Feldstein.

Tanya
No, no, you’re completely right. The amount of traveling she did between our office, Chicago and Springfield was fantastic. It took her supermom energy and put it to use in the public forum.

Thelma
(like a humbled but wet cat) I didn’t do that much. I… (waves at them) I’m not here for me. I didn’t want the spot.

Sarah
Why?

Thelma
I’m too old to be gallivanting across DC like a spring chicken.

Tanya
I don’t believe you – we just said what you did for the entire last campaign. And you like DC as much as I do. Is it your family?

Sarah
No… It can’t be. They’re scattered across the country like the dice from a Yahtzee game in a two year old’s hands.

(Thelma squints at Sarah)

What? Oh yeah. M’grandkids, God love ‘em. I’ve practically lost all my dice.

Thelma
Not marbles? Anyway. It’s… I just don’t feel like I matter as much here. I feel like I have more control back in Illinois than I do here. But it’s my nature. I don’t feel the same for you Tanya, you have more optimism about this kind of stuff than I do.

Sarah
She’s the reformed feminist of the bunch. (smiles)

Thelma
What’s that supposed to mean?

Sarah
It means just that – you aren’t sticking up for yourself.

Thelma
What? I do plenty to speak out against injustice all around us. I don’t just sit idly by.

Sarah
I’m not talking about idling. We just proved you don’t idle. But you don’t want to be a spectacle. Now, I’m not raining on your wish to be respectable. But when you don’t stand up for yourself, not just as a woman, but as a human being…

Tanya
Enough! Let Thelma decide what she wants to do! She doesn’t have to-
Sarah
But she’s being a bad example.

Tanya
How can you say that?

Sarah
To you, mostly. She’s been doing it for quite some time, and she’s not alone. Which only makes it more important that she stop this insanity.

Thelma
Insanity? Huh. The only one who sounds insane is the woman standing here at the moment in a pink feather boa.

Sarah
Nah-ah. You, dear lady, are a prig. You don’t come out of your safety shell. With your respectable clothes and your gradeschool inside voice, you just don’t shout to the world that things are shit and you don’t like it!

Thelma
The whole “I’m so mad I can’t take it anymore!” –

Tanya
(cuts in) Was that the Libertarians or the Tea Partiers that bastardized that?

Sarah
(to Tanya) Shh. Let her speak. I’ve been trying to find a way to make her address this for years.

Thelma
(grumbles, consernated) You…. Well, of course I want more! I want to get some of the programs we were interested in go through! I want the process to work better! I don’t want to have to deal with the crap both sides of the aisle make for everyone else to clean up! Why do you think I made all those trips in Illinois? Because I was happy to do them? I want to take that sword from lady liberty out there, and give each goddamn Congressman a swat on the behind they won’t soon forget!

Tanya
Ah, there are Congress women too.

Thelma
(waves away) Doesn’t matter. You get what I’m saying.

Sarah
Then perhaps you should come here.


Thelma
What?

Tanya
But… There is still a sense of respect for the elected. Right?

Sarah
Honey, they work for us. We’re their boss, not the other way around.

Tanya
(to Sarah) Well, technically, until you do work for them.

Sarah
Oh yeah.

Tanya
I think I get Sarah’s point though. (turns to Thelma) Thelma, you’re an ass.

Thelma
Now don’t you go complimenting me too.

Tanya
Hold on - it is a compliment. You, dear lady, are a Democrat. And you’re more fiesty than I am most of the time. But you’re so damn restrained when it comes to saying your views! Live a little! (smacks Thelma on the back)

Thelma
(coughs) Gee. I… Really don’t know what to say. I just, I don’t know. I guess I am a bit more frustrated in general than I let on, but that’s why I work so da-gun hard at what I do.

Sarah
Which is fine and dandy. But, well… we haven’t seen you get this vocal about your views since that Tea Party Republican took the 11th congressional district.

Thelma
Eesh. That reminds me, I’m still sorry I put a dent in your car after I heard that, Tanya. I didn’t think I could lift the branch much less make that kind of impact on your hood like that. I was a bit surprised.

Tanya
(waves it away) It was easily enough repaired. My insurance company accepted that “it was an act of God.”

Thelma
(disgusted) Oh good grief. Sarah’s been too much of an influence on you, that’s not even a good pun, ya heretic.
Sarah
Now, instead of worrying about these things, take them a little lighter.

Thelma
(smirks) Like taking a lighter to a bra?

Sarah
If the cup fits.

Thelma
(angry) So are we going in for Tanya, or are we going to start dickering over who’s breasts sag better? Come on. (takes Tanya’s arm)

Tanya
(fidgets) Actually, would you mind if I did this alone?

Sarah
You sure?

Thelma
(coughs and looks Sarah over) I don’t see why not.

Sarah
Aw, come on, Thelma, lighten up. And you know this is nothing compared to what I could have worn over here. The shirt only even says Code Pink on it. I was wearing my Arrest Bush shirt before. And, I could have left it on while hunting out the 11th district guy for a good row. Actually, why don’t you join me?

Tanya
Perfect. I’ll just be a moment. If it gets hairy, don’t get me. (looks inside door) I still want to work here. I’ve got the nod from the receptionist, so I’ll be quick.

(Tanya exits)

Thelma
She’s a brave soul.

Sarah
Yeah? And what about you? You coward.

Thelma
Now don’t keep this up while she’s not here. I don’t want to have to explain to my husband why I need money for bail in DC.

Sarah
Man those were the best memories. Dammit woman, I’m trying to get you to listen to me.
Thelma
And you want me to speak up? To be vocal? What?

Sarah
I want you to be honest. You gave Tanya that spot.

Thelma
What?

Sarah
That’s right, I heard you get the call, and then give the recommendation. You turned them down cold. You’re an idiot! You deserve it more!

Thelma
Now hold on a minute! You don’t know the whole story!

Sarah
No, I know damn well why you did it, you selfless primadonna. You did it because she needed the job. (pauses) I know you think I’m thoughtless-

Thelma
More careless, really-

Sarah
(waves away) Whatever! But I have family too, you dope. And I know the importance of friends. Who do you think I linked arms with when I was here in 1978? Just complete strangers? No! I did it with people I cared about, cared for. Careless. Yeah, I’m a protestor. And you’re a fucking prig. But you’re damn good at what you do, which is why I depend so frickin’ much on you.

Thelma
(quietly) …Do you think she’d like it here? I mean, you seem to get a lot, but as a protestor. Tanya would work for the government. I’ve been telling her that’s the way to do things. But you see how decrepit the system is on both the state and federal level. This isn’t something one person can overhaul, even with Tanya’s own hidden away piss and venom.

Sarah
I completely agree.

Thelma
(stunned) What? Whoa. That’s new.

Sarah
No… No. It’s not that. I don’t think she can do it alone.


Thelma
Well, duh.

Sarah
No, actually, I mean you should join her.

Thelma
What? Are you nuts?

Sarah
Well, sure, but that’s beside the point. Just lookit. You came out here, didn’t you? And you do more than any of us combined. I’m sure that the office would be willing to find a spot for you too. Don’t just give it up for the sake of Tanya’s job. If you’re going to be respectable, use it, damnit!

Thelma
But… But… this is just a visit!

Sarah
It’s a show of support, you said so yourself. It’s what you do really well. Yeah, keep blushing, it’s true. (smiles)

Thelma
(glares) This isn’t blushing, it’s a hotflash. (looks away) You’re nuts, you know that?

(Tanya enters)

Sarah
(gives Thelma sideways glance) Sure. That’s all it is.

Thelma
So? How did it go? You get the job?

Tanya
Yeah. And they heard you talking out here, and said they wondered why you hadn’t also put in your application since they called you first, Thelma. They were impressed with your record, and said they’d be happy to have you if you were still interested.

Sarah
(whacks Thelma on the back) See! I told ya! You need to come to DC.

Thelma
(rubs spot where hit) Fucking asshole, don’t do that. It’s the second time I’ve been assaulted by one of you dingbats in the last hour. If you don’t think of me, think of your own arthritic hippy hand.

Sarah
(laughs) Yeah, you’d fit in perfectly here.

Thelma
(barks) What the hell is that supposed to mean!

Tanya
It means, stop bitching and come in the office. If you won’t come for yourself, or your country, come for me. Sarah’s right. I couldn’t do this without you. And you came here to support me, right?

Sarah
Uh-oh. She’s pulled the martyr string.

Thelma
Shut your yap, you moron. (sighs) They could use me? Really?

Tanya
Just go in there and talk to them, it wouldn’t hurt. I, however, need a moment with Sarah.

Thelma
(Hesitates, just a moment) Alright. But if a fight breaks out, I want pictures.

(Thelma exits)

Sarah
Were we too loud or something? I promise, I’ll make her squeal in the lobby next time. (smiles)

Tanya
(blinks) You two should have been a couple the way you act. (smiles) At least you’ll laugh about it, Thelma’s gag reflex would have started if she heard that. However. What I want to know is more about the ERA thing. And what you did in DC. And more about this place in general. It seems like a generally good, but topsy-turvey, place. And I want an insider’s history of what I will be getting into…